Game over for your husband’s problems

Q: Is it ever okay to stop being a GGG? I have been with my husband for 26 years. Shortly after we got together, my husband revealed a major issue: MFM threesomes. I was young and a virgin and up for anything back then, but we didn’t start dating other men until around the sixth year of our relationship. For the last 20 years we have been on and off with this. We had kids, we took a break, and we found the time to go crazy from time to time. My husband’s interests expanded into the game of domination, owning and sharing me, but now I am in my 40s and my husband is in his 50s. I am approaching menopause and my sex drive has decreased. There were also cases where I was basically sexually assaulted, or at least my limits were not respected on more than one occasion. In short, I want to stop being perverted. I want my body to be mine. My husband and I have had other marital problems, and he thinks my rejection of his wickedness is a rejection of him. I told him that I’m still interested in sex, that I’m tired of being a GGG. He says he’s not interested in vanilla sex with me because he’s “disappointed.” When I told him to outsource his kink, he said, “Good luck finding that as a married man.” Am I ever allowed to withdraw from your kink? Am I the asshole here? —My years of obedience completed

A: First and foremost, if your husband stood by and did nothing while your boundaries were violated in front of him, or if he violated your boundaries himself, then there is an idiot in this marriage, MY GOD, and it is not you. . But since you are still with your husband and still interested in having sex with him, I suppose your husband recognized how he failed you on those occasions when They were Raped and remorseful, he apologized specifically and profusely, and made the necessary changes to make you feel safe with him. If you haven’t done any of those things …if you haven’t done all those things“You should quit.”

Getting closer to new readers: GGG stands for “good, generous, game.” As in, “good in bed, give pleasure and play for anything”within reason. “I think we should be GGG for our partners and that our partners should be GGG for us. However, being GGG does not mean doing whatever your partner wants. That is why the final G has always come with that qualifier in italics for emphasis. : “I play for anything …within reason. “Being a game means recognizing that your partner will have sexual interests that you don’t share and being willing to try those long as they are reasonable. “Reasonable” is a subjective standard, of course, and we can all decide for ourselves what may or may not be reasonable.

Back to you, MEMBER. A kink for MMF threesomes is not about feet or light spanking. It’s a great question. And if your husband knew that he needed MMF threesomes to feel sexually satisfied, sharing that when he did, early in the relationship, was the right thing to do for him. He left his perversion cards on the table before you got married, before you had children, and when you could easily walk away. You didn’t walk away. You told him you were open to the idea — you told him you were one of those rare “up to anything” virgins, and he didn’t rush you to do anything. It took six years before you had your first threesome. And while MMF threesomes are probably not something you would have looked for on your own, MIBOD, I hope you enjoyed some of them, you know, the ones that didn’t involve boundary violations so egregious that you didn’t experience them. as sexual adventures that you had with your husband, but as sexual assaults in which your husband participated and Jesus taking Christ on the cross.

Honestly OMG I’m having a hard time getting past those boundary violations. But seeing as you got through them, since you are still interested in being with your husband, I will continue to assume that he somehow got it right and advise you accordingly. If he didn’t do things right, ignore my advice and divorce the son of a bitch now.

Okay, you asked me if you can stop being GGG, MYBOD, and my answer is no. I think you should remain GGG. That doesn’t mean you have to keep having MMF threesomes with your husband. You can decide you’re done with it, you can grab them off the menu permanently, while still being GGG in other ways. You are also allowed to finish with Dom / sub play. (Your husband was never yours and your body was never his to share. That was a naughty, dirty talk you indulged in, not a deed of sale that you have to honor.) And doing what you’re doing – giving your partner permission to get a specific sexual need satisfied elsewhere – is one way a person can be GGG. There is this need, this kink of his, which is important to him, so important that he mentioned from the beginning, and you knew that need for a long time, but you can no longer satisfy it. But you are good enough, giving enough, and playing enough to give her your blessing to get in touch with other people. Then you have not stopped being GGG. You are being GGG in a different way now.

And just as you are not obligated to have kinky sex with your husband, MY GOD, your husband is not obligated to have vanilla sex with you. If you think he’s withholding sex right now because he was disappointed, well maybe you can see how disappointing it could be and give him a little time to get over it. But if, on the other hand, you think he’s refusing to have sex to manipulate you into having threesomes again, MIO, that’s bullshit and you should quit.

PS: Please show your husband this, MIO: Dude. OVERCOME YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT NOW. You had a good streak. I hope you are grateful and I hope you have found some way to compensate for the boundary violations. Assuming you’ve done it: the sooner you stop sulking and start looking, the sooner you’ll find partners looking for male thirds. And you know those couples are out there because you and your wife used to be one of those couples. And far from being an obstacle, the fact that you are married is a selling point for many couples seeking thirds. (A married man or in a relationship is seen as less threatening for obvious reasons.) And I don’t know if you’ve been online recently, but hot dads are in high demand these days, and dominant dads play a lot. Your wife is not kidding you. She is telling you to meet this need elsewhere. They are not hurting you. Stop being a baby and an ingrate. Jesus!

Q: I am fresh out of a relationship and new to Grindr and I realize that to get hard I need slow kisses, I need to vibrate to the music, and especially I need a gentle touch on my penis. Too many guys throw it away without lube and that softens me up. Slowly kissing a cold song is my theme. Also, my cock is sensitive near the bottom of the shaft and I need the wet fingers to go down to the base of my cock to be able to come. Is there a faster way to describe this? Is this the name of the stimulation of the lower part of the axis? Is there a term for this or a name for me? Or do I need to send a paragraph to all the cheats that I send? —Very erect

A: That’s called what you like, VIBE. Alternatively, it is called what works for you, what makes your penis hard and what turns you on. The precise way you like it, the kisses that work for you, the music that puts you in the mood, the stain on your cock that puts you on the edge, it doesn’t have a name, VIBE, and it doesn’t need to. one. But who knows? By now next week, as you like it, I might have a name and a pride flag and a group of cis het allies online ready to yell at anyone who isn’t convinced of the slow kiss vibe to chill. . The music-touch-the-base-of-my-lubed-up-cock community needed a name and their own float in the pride parade.

But just as you don’t really need a pride flag, VIBE, you don’t need to submit FAQs and a confidentiality agreement to every potential hack you submit to Grindr. All you have to do is tell the guy who shows up at your apartment that you like soft kisses (the music you like may already be playing) and then show him how you like to have your cock stroked. Guys who jerk your dick without lube don’t try to soften you up. They’re making their best guess as to what might work for you, a guess that’s probably based on what works for them and other guys. I promise you VIBE, the guys at Grindr are not pulling your cock maliciously. On the contrary, VIBE, the gentlemen they call are pulling your cock with the best of intentions. Give those gentlemen cheerful and constructive feedback in the moment, VIBE, and most will start stroking your cock the way you like it.

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